I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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