I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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