Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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