so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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