I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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