2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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