At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
