What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
