ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
