Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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