Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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