My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
