you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
