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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?

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• (305): View more from Florida

  absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  That's because you are an idiot.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

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• (537): View more from

  I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary

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• (518): View more from New York

  drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm more than my video games and dildo collection

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.

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