Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize