ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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