I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
