Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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