They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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