South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
