sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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