I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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