You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
