nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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