Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
