i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
