Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize