Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
