Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
