His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
