She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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