paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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