i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
