dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
