I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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