I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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