where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
