Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
