Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
