Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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