She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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