i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
