there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
