If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
