He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
