I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
