so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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