he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So much rum. So many feels.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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