I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
