Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
