So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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