ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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