plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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