I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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