Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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