Your face is a jimmy john
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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