You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize