I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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