You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
