God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
