I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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