Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
