i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
