Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
