Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
