Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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