then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
