He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
