She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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