Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
