I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
