Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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