My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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