Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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